Three Starting Points for Leading Your Family
Your Example
Our children are watching. From the moment they are born, children are watching their parents to learn how to talk, how to walk, and how to eat. Children learn more from their parents than most parents realize. Parents introduce their children to genres of music, their favorite sports team, old movies, family recipes, holiday traditions, and classic board games.
Children first learn what is funny from their parents. They learn what is right and what is wrong. And most of this learning happens merely by watching their parents. The example of their parents, for better or for worse, carries the most weight.
Charles Spurgeon once wrote: “A man’s life is always more forcible than his speech. When men take stock of him they reckon his deeds as dollars and his words as pennies. If his life and doctrine disagree the mass of onlookers accept his practice and reject his preaching.”
While we are called to teach the Word of God to our children, we must always take great care to actually live out our faith in front of them as well.
As the old adage goes, “We must practice what we preach.”
One of the greatest starting points for leading your family, and especially your children, to the Lord is your own faithful example. Flee from hypocrisy and be light in your home.
Paul considered himself a spiritual father of the church in Corinth and called his spiritual children to imitate his example (1 Cor. 4:15-16; 11:1).
Can we say that to our children? Can we tell them to imitate us; to follow our example? Or are we still telling our children, “do what I say, not what I do”? Most likely, they are going to do what we do. So let our actions match our words, let our life keep in step with our gospel message: “Be doers of the word, and not hearers only” (James 1:22).
Let this starting point encourage you today. Let it serve as a sweet reminder that even on your busy days, your children are watching and you are in a prime position to offer them an example to follow:
· When you sin, model repentance
· When they sin, model grace
· When you awake, model a morning devotion
· When you eat, model family prayer
· When you work, model honesty, diligence, work-ethic, and character
· When you’re in traffic, model patience and self-control
· When you’re worried, model dependence on the Lord
· When you’re called, model obedience
· When suffering, model joy and worship
· When around others, model love and service
Every week brings countless opportunities for you to live out your faith in front of your children and it is your constant example that remains one of the greatest starting points for spiritually leading your family.
Your Devotion
Many have said, “You can’t give someone what you don’t have.” This resonates with us as we recognize that we cannot lead our families to seek the Lord if we are not seeking the Lord.
Perhaps the most popular passage for family discipleship is Deuteronomy 6:4-9. This Scripture carries a command for parents to teach the Word of God diligently to their children. However, before parents are called to lead in this family discipleship, they are commanded to:
· “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.”
· “These words that I command you today shall be on your heart.”
Before parents can teach the Word of God to their children they are to love God and delight in His commands. Then, they lead their children to do the same.
This is why one of the greatest starting points for leading your family is your own morning devotion. When you begin your day delighting in the Word of God, enjoying the Lord’s presence, devoting yourself to prayer, you are equipped and ready to now spend your day leading your family—talking about the Lord with your children “when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.”
There is also a practical side to this starting point.
Many parents feel lost when it comes to leading a family devotion. However, if you have already had a time of personal devotion earlier that day, you have a wonderful starting point for your family devotion:
· Begin your day with a time of personal devotion, reading a passage from the Bible
· Set aside a time to gather with your family later in the day, perhaps at dinnertime or bedtime
· Read the same passage of Scripture with your family from your morning devotion
· Discuss the Bible passage by asking a few questions about the Scripture you read (click here for our infographic on 5 Steps to Begin Leading Your Family in Family Worship)
Your Testimony
Just as your own devotion time can encourage the rest of your family, your own testimony can serve as another starting point for spiritually leading your family.
Do your children know your testimony? Have you shared with them the story of how the Lord saved you? Even if you have shared this already, you can share it again and again and again. This time, maybe you can include some details you have never shared:
· Share about the different Christians that taught you the Gospel and helped lead you to Christ.
· Share about the different Bible verses that the Lord used to make Himself known to you.
· Share about some of the doubts and challenges that you faced before submitting to Jesus as the Lord of your life.
· Share about some of the ways the Lord has grown you and changed you since then.
When we tell our kids how the Lord saved us from our sin and gave us new life, we invite them to celebrate salvation with us and we provide for them a personal example of the power of the Gospel.
Paul would often share his testimony, recount his old life, his encounter with Jesus Christ, and the radical transformation Jesus brought to his life (Acts 22:3-16; Acts 26:4-23; Galatians 1:13-23).
Perhaps you could read some of Paul’s testimonies with your children during Family Worship and then share your own testimony, letting them hear the story of how Jesus rescued you from your former way of life and made you a new creation.
In the Bible we read many other examples of the faithful intentionally sharing testimonies with the next generation.
After God led Joshua and His people across the Jordan, God had the people set up twelve memorial stones. These stones were meant to serve as a reminder of God’s mighty works. The Lord ensured that Israel would pass down this testimony to the coming generations.
Joshua said to the people, “When your children ask in time to come, ‘What do those stones mean to you?’ then you shall tell them that the waters of the Jordan were cut off before the ark of the covenant of the Lord…so these stones shall be to the people of Israel a memorial forever” (Joshua 4:6-7).
What a blessing it would be if you were able to set up some “memorial stones” in your home by finding opportunities to share testimonies with your children.
· Tell them about the mighty ways in which God has worked in your life.
· Tell them stories of how the Lord answered prayers.
· You have probably never followed the Lord through the Jordan, but you can share testimonies of the many times the Lord has led and guided you.
Think of one of these testimonies and then write a word or two on a stone and set the rock on the kitchen table. I imagine that in less than a few hours, one of your children will ask you, “What does this mean to you?”
Let us then follow the Psalm 78 example and boldly declare, “We will not hide them from their children, but tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the Lord, and his might, and the wonders that he has done...so that they should set their hope in God” (Psalm 78:4, 7).
Dr. Jonathan Williams, Ph.D. (Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary) is the founder and executive director of Gospel Family Ministries. This ministry focuses on strengthening family ministry in the local church and cultivating family worship in the Christian home. Jonathan is the author of “A Practical Theology of Family Worship” and “Gospel Family.” He also teaches as an adjunct professor at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary in Fort Worth, TX. Previously, Jonathan served for 10 years as the senior pastor of Wilcrest Baptist Church, a multi-ethnic church of more than 50 nations. He lives and writes in Texas with his wife and three children.